13 things I wish we’d been taught about adulthood

Unfortunately there’s no class or course you can take to learn how to be a fully functioning adult, who’s a productive member of society.  You’re kind of expected to just know all of these things as soon as you’re fresh out of school, like growing up just happens over night.  One minute you’re checking the new collection of Barry M nail polish, next you’re checking out floor tiles and taxes.  Oh life…. 

  1. Drinks that used to repulse you suddenly help you get through the day – looking at you coffee and green tea! On the rare occasion you go ‘out’ it’s not socially acceptable to drink bright blue sugary drinks, wine or G&T is far more suitable
  2. Washing will be a constant struggle in your life.  I JUST WASHED THIS, HOW IS IT BACK AGAIN?! will pretty much become your inner monologue.  How two people can produce so much washing I will never know
  3. On the subject of washing – not ironing something won’t actually kill you.  My iron stayed in the box for 3 months before being brought out one day….something my nan will never find out.  
  4. You won’t ever use Pythagoras Theorem, or algebra and you’ll never need to remember what photosynthesis is.  But good luck sorting out your taxes.
  5. Waking up early will never get easier.  Setting the alarm is fine, but when it goes off you’ll find yourself bargaining do I really need to go to the gym?  Do I really need this job?  The answer is yes.  And you can’t get your mum to call in sick for you anymore either
  6. Pizza and ice cream for whatever meal you like doesn’t happen anywhere near as often as you’d imagined.  Turns out your metabolism doesn’t appreciate that, and your bank balance isn’t a massive fan either.  There will come a point where you can’t eat whatever crap you want and there’ll be no consequences.  Thanks body, you absolute babe…..
  7. Post is bad.  Post after your 18th birthday generally means you owe money, or someone is just reminding you how little money you actually have.
  8. Cheap clothes rarely means good clothes.  You’ll find yourself side eyeing boohoo’s basics range because you know that realistically it’ll last 4 washes max.
  9. You’ll lose friends you thought you’d have forever.  It’s sad but inevitable.  You’ll look back at your prom photos and be able to name probably 20 people, and of those you’ll still be speaking to around 3 of them.  Those friends are the one who’ve stuck by you through the break ups, the 3am drunken calls, the hungover McDonalds trips, they’ve seen you at your best and your worst, and they’re still here.
  10. Money doesn’t last anywhere near as you thought it would.  Rent, bills, council tax, food, water?!  That lovely pay check suddenly looks very small after you’ve paid off all of the grown up responsibilities and you wonder if you can go back to working the odd shifts at the local pub for a bit of extra money.
  11. You’ll find yourself drifting towards certain brands during your weekly shop – that’s right, doing it all in one go turns out to be far more productive than a few shops a week.  You’ll go to a specific store, buy specific foods, and god forbid you have to change that routine.
  12. Despising the majority of people is completely normal.  The amount of teenagers in town on a Saturday morning. The amount of people in the queue at Starbucks.  Cold callers.  Doctors receptionists.  WHY SO MANY OF YOU?! WHY SO ANNOYING?!
  13. Socks, slippers and pyjamas are the must underrated Christmas present.  When you were younger you didn’t appreciate them, now there’s no better feeling than the pure comfort of a new blanket.

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