I’m always told I have an incredibly split personality, I can flip completely with no apparent warning. But that got me thinking about what makes me me? Do I share personality traits with other people or are we all just different variations on a theme…..
The Gym Rat
Usually makes her appearance in the first weeks of January or right before a holiday. Won’t touch alcohol, bread or sugar, lives off of kale and water. Usually found posting fitspo quotes, or buying clothes in a size too small as motivation. Then a crappy day at work happens and oh look this dominoes just fell through the door now how on earth did that happen?!
We’ve all been there. You’re 4 cocktails in, Christina Aguileras Diirty is being blasted through the speakers at Yates and you’re eyeing up that pole. Then the slut drop begins. And before you know it you’re in a drunken dance off with another girls inner stripper. You’re literally owning this, you’re so cool and anyone would think you’d been having lessons your entire life. And then you see the pictures the next day where you’re basically just leaning against the pole, rapidly losing dignity…..
The FBI agent
Your friend texts you saying that some girl’s liked her boyfriends Instagram picture but her profile is private. In the words of Sherlock, the game is on, and in no time you’ve found her Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and MySpace. There’s no real genuine use for these skills, and they can’t go on your CV but every girl is secretly proud of her sleuthing skills.
The “I’ve got this” Businesswoman
You’ve been up since 6.30am, smashed out a gym session, showered and ready, replied to 15 emails and caught up on everything you needed to. And it’s not even 9.30am yet. There’s a slight chance you might be superhuman but you daren’t shout about it too much because let’s face it – nobody likes a humble bragger. This is the best version of you, the sparkly one who can handle any of the shit that life throws at you today. Shame she’s normally followed by…
The Clingy Toddler
You know how babies get when they’re teething? Clingy and whiny? That comes out, generally when you’re ill or on your period. You’ll be demanding blankets on the sofa, naps and disney films to make everything better. You’ve even been known to whip out the old puppy eyes because they really do add to the effect of being a helpless invalid who needs looking after and ALL the back tickles….
The Morbidly Obese Man
In every 20 something girl there lies a monster. This monster can consume 35694 calories and at the time will not give a crap. No, YOU ate a pizza, garlic bread, wedges, chocolate, crisps and then biscuits. This normally comes right before a period or during a hangover where you promise you will never drink again, because the crash and burn after all those calories just isn’t worth it. You generally start promising yourself you’ll be gym rat girl the next day.
Secretly my favourite personality. She’ll sit with a cup of tea, tutting at the state of the youth of today. Those girls going out in mini dresses with no tights? They’ll catch their death of cold! The boys with matching chinos and haircuts? Didn’t realise they’d opened a cloning factory around here. Sometimes you’ll even start knitting and think so when did I become 80 years old? Making clothes for friends babies, while wrapped up in a blanket (albeit a mermaid one) drinking tea on a Friday night, now that is living the dream.