1. You class a good night in as a Netflix marathon, uninterrupted except to get more cups of tea. Sat on the sofa with your dressing gown, slippers and of course a blanket. Blankets are a must
2. Baby scans don’t make you think “oh god, really?” anymore, if anything they just make you very aware of your biological clock ticking away in the background
3. You find yourself scrutinising clothes you wouldn’t have had any issue with wearing a few years ago. “REALLY?! Far too low cut!” “White’s just not a practical colour for clothes.” “A top that cuts off at your stomach? Madness I tell you!” Yet 18 year old you would be ALL over that
4. You no longer buy jugs of cocktails on the rare occasion that you have a night out. Nowadays you’re more likely to be checking out the wine list, or having a glass of prosecco, not mixing the cocktail with a good old Wetherspoon sweet shop of shots
5. Urban Dictionary gets used far more often than you would like to admit. What are theses acronyms these youths are using these days, and what do they mean? Have I just accidentally offended someone and not realised?
6. Without realising it you seem to have substituted your entire six inch stiletto collection with heels the width of a pencil….for sensible, comfortable shoes that you can happily stand around and walk about in for hours. Your younger self would be disgusted.
7. Candles make you happy. Scented candles, tea lights, mix and match, oils, wax melters….just give me all the candles! When Yankee Candle does a sale before Christmas your heart practically melts with joy. Now you can finally justify that massive house warmer jar without having to dip into your precious savings
8. Speaking of which, your online banking never shows a negative number. You have actual savings accounts, and you know exactly what is going in and out of which account, and on which day.
9. You own practical underwear. Yes, the odd Ann Summers purchase is still lingering about the back of a drawer, but you know realistically a good old t-shirt bra from M&S that you probably paid a bit too much for will actually last you a lot longer than a lacy itchy contraption with cut-outs and random straps all over the place.
10. Spending your days looking at houses and interiors is completely normal. You then do an internal sob and start googling how much a kidney is worth after realising that fireplace, fluffy carpets and corner sofas won’t pay for themselves. You also appear to have turned into your parents, scouring IKEA website and mentally decorating a house you don’t even own?!
11. Your Facebook is now more full of wedding pictures and baby photos. You rarely, if ever, see a status asking for ‘lifts?’ Or the ‘hanging, anyone fancy maccies?’ statuses that plagued your feed for years. You and your friends are getting old. It’s time to accept this.
12. You meet up with friends on a Saturday night and go for dinner. Maybe you’ll be totally wild and have a glass of wine, but you won’t be out late and you certainly won’t be getting an uber to the nearest bar.
13. You’ve become your mother, you never leave the house without a coat. This is mainly because lets face it – this is England. The chances of rain or a random icy blast are pretty high and god forbid you get caught out, you’d end up with a cold!
14. When you hear the Hollyoaks or Eastenders themes starting you instantly turn over. A documentary on a serial killer? Send it my way! People screaming at each other for half an hour straight? Nah I’m good.
15. When buying a new car you don’t look at the speakers, or if it can be modified. You think about how easy it would be to get a car seat in and out, or what mileage you’re getting for the price. Sensible, grown up things that 17 year old you would be ashamed of.