So last week one of the girls at work made some gorgeous chocolate fudge and was handing it out to everyone. Someone made a comment on how disciplined I am with what I eat when I had one small piece and how can I resist things like that?
Simple. I know if I eat crap, I’ll feel crap about 5 hours later. Normally when I’m sat in bed scrolling through Instagram and there’s all these fitness and bikini models all over the page. I’ve written here and here about my relationship with exercise and Instagram, but this one will be slightly different.
Now I’m not always so disciplined with my diet. Sure there’s days where I’ll stick to my calories, get an amazing workout in and feel good about myself, but there’s also days where I have a crap workout and eat approximately 4727895 calories. I’m trying to get it into my head that it really is all in moderation, and the good days do always outweigh the bad ones. But it’s happening more and more frequently that even when I have a good day I will sit and compare myself to these girls on Instagram. Just thinking to myself “I should’ve started the diet when we first got engaged, then maybe I’ll be happy with myself” now I have 3 weeks to go and I’m still not 100%, short of cutting off a limb or starving myself there’s pretty much no healthy way I will hit my target weight.
Back to the work story. I said to them that I skip out on treats because I compare myself to these Instagram girls and I’d feel crap about myself and it was like I’d lit a firework. They instantly came out with “Why do you compare yourself to them?” “You’re absolutely fine as you are!” “Promise me you won’t compare yourself to anyone, because I can pretty much guarantee you they aren’t happy with themselves either!” I said to them it felt like we were a bunch of drunk girls in toilets on a night out that are suddenly best friends…. Yes it was nice to see people have my back and see me differently to how I see myself but it didn’t change anything really. I still checked in on Instagram and found myself weighed down (pun not intended) by those same thoughts.
I’ve done it for years, I always compare various things about myself to other people. It doesn’t even have to be friends or celebrities, I can walk past someone on the street and think god I wish I looked like her, or I wish my hair was like that. I need to accept that this is me. It’s not going anywhere and I’ve got one body so I may as well get used to it. But thats a heck of a lot easier said than done. Even when I had a personal trainer and lost 9lbs I was still picking out bits of myself I wasn’t happy with, things that needed to change. Yes I have some control over how I look but I can’t control how my body naturally is. I have a naturally short torso and legs, so it seems to take so much longer for it to actually show when I’ve lost weight on those areas.
The thing is I have an amazing support system, generally without them realising it. I have an incredible fiancé who’s marrying me regardless of what I look like and how often I complain about myself. I have friends I can drag on 7 mile runs, ones who will come to the gym with me when I ambush them with “gym has a freebie open day, wanna come?” I have my work family who are the nicest bunch of girls who are always building each other up with genuine comments. That’s the thing with surrounding yourself with positive people, you start to think a bit more positively and the world starts to look a little bit more sparkly.