14 things that are only a good idea when you’re drunk

Because lets face it, we’re all the worst versions of ourselves after we’ve had a few too many jagers and everything seems like a wonderful idea at the time! Also for the record in the picture, yes I am quite drunk at a work party on a bouncy castle with facepaint on.  I was winning at life that day, the next day when I woke up to bright blue and glittery pillows thanks to said facepaint….not so much.

  1. Taking off your shoes because Jesus Christ they hurt.  Only problem is you now have a 6ft bouncer stood in front of you telling you to put your shoes back on
  2. Making best friends with other girls in the toilets and ending up having a massive heart to heart over a scummy mirror.  “No he doesn’t deserve you, you need to get out there and show him you’re over him!” God knows who he is but he’s now facing your drunk wrath for daring to upset whatshername
  3. Phoning your friend because your song is on and she’s not there, and not picking up so you leave a voicemail.  I mean it’s 1am, it’s not exactly late how dare she ignore your song?
  4. Putting your phone in your bra for safekeeping and then having a breakdown when you can’t find it and asking everyone you’re with if they’ve got it or have they seen it?! 
  5. Typing out a text with one eye open and not actually reading it before hitting send.  Your lucky friends now have a text that will probably need Google Translate to understand and you’ll get offended when they reply with “huh?”
  6. Getting on first name terms with the taxi drivers, learning about their lives, asking the inevitable “what time are you on until?” Or “been busy tonight?” 
  7. Uploading blurry photos of either you or your drinks because everyone obviously cares what you’re doing
  8. Sticking rounds of drink on your credit card because you’re absolutely rolling in money and these people you’ve never met before are your best friends
  9. Tactical chunder.  That last drink didn’t go down so well but you don’t want to be the one who makes everybody leave, so a quick nip to the toilets and you’re good to keep on going
  10. Sitting in the smoking area when you don’t even smoke, just sitting talking away to people because you’re too drunk to go back inside and stand up properly
  11. Suddenly starting up a deep conversation with someone about life and mental health,  things that are way too deep for a night out and wait why are you crying?
  12. Ordering a kebab and cheesy chips when normally you wouldn’t even look at carbs
  13. Deciding that you and all your friends will share a taxi home because you live near each other…. When in reality there’s a fair old way between your homes
  14. Getting home and leaving your bag downstairs, keys somewhere else, shoes in the bathroom, and phone on the side.  It’s like setting a fun little game for yourself the next day to find all your belongings
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